Least likely story ever to be posted on perezhilton.com...

They're reporting that Rivers Cuomo finally graduated from harvard and GOT MARRIED. I can't imagine how upset the teenage girls of the world would have been over this in like 1997. Of course, the girl has a very asian name. What else would you expect from a guy whose every description of feminine perfection is Japanese?! I wonder how getting married affects his whole vow of celibacy thing?